Gloria Patria

I greet you in the name of the magnificent and most high COVID-19; Creator of all laws and Father of all Health and Safety Protocols, and in the name of COVID-19’s most beneficent, and most wise Prophet, Dr. Fauci; Ruler of all Cloth Face Masks and Lord of mRNA vaccines. . . .

Brothers and Sisters – aren’t we better off now that Americans have finally rejected the injurious fiction that our rights come from God and are inalienable to us? You bet your face shield we are. Now we have come to understand in the light of modern science that our rights are better seen as permissions from the ruling Public Health Officer overseen by the Center for Disease Control which is spoken for by the peerless and impeccable Dr. Tony Fauci. 

Dr. Fauci (Peace and Clorox wipes be upon his name) will tell us when we can leave our houses to go to the park or the beach. He will tell us when it is Safe to meet with family members. When it is Safe to travel. When our two year olds can be handled without surgical gloves. Isn’t it wonderful not to be responsible for decisions any longer? We finally have an omniscient guide through life who is flesh and blood just like us but so much more. He knows which public political gatherings are absolutely necessary and Safe and which are dangerous and troubling. 

We have all the knowledge Public Health Authorities deem fit for us to have. We have Dr. Fauci (may his hands be forever sanitized) to explain any contradictions in their advice. 

We can walk all the way from our bedrooms to our kitchens in confidence knowing our Mask is keeping us safe. We can avoid traveling to Texas or Florida and other maskless states knowing their doom is sure. And after we’ve had our vaccinations we can look forward to waiting Safely at home until the next round of booster shots are required. In all this, Dr. Fauci (majestic in germ free holiness) has shown us the best way to love our neighbor is to stay far from them and narc on them if they let take their kids to a playground or allow them to trick or treat on Halloween. 

In the spirit of the new permissions let us avoid going to church, shaking hands, hugging, dining out, going to family gatherings, or meeting friends for coffee. That is truly love in action. 

The Front Line Health Care Providers will bless us for this. 

Beloved – do not give in to the temptation to “think for yourself” or to believe that you are unlikely to die from COVID-19 if you are not in a “high risk group”. These are lies told by people trapped in the old way of thinking. Their minds were fossilized in the hurtful past when people lived life based on demonic concepts such as ‘life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness”. The Evil Ones are always there with their lies about masks being dirty and ineffective. If they had their way children would be running 2 mile races or playing basketball without wearing Masks. 

Remember: it is more blessed to wear two Masks and a face shield than just one Mask with no face shield. Let the wise hear and understand. 

I remain, 

Your brother in the Holy Convocation of the Mask,

L. Cahill 

(This was typed while wearing a Mask and dishwashing gloves for added protection)